I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
