Betty ford says i'm here all night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
