I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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