Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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