i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
