ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
