Four minutes until I can fart!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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