Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
