i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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