we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
