I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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