you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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