I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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