we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize