he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
