6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He better not be in your backpack
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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