dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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