Your tits are I can't wait for
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
