if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Are we still banned from the library?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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