I hate your face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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