After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
