I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
