Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
