To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
