the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
