Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
