organizing the empties. That sober.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
