So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
