how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
