We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
