i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
