im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
