Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
