i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
