he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Enjoy the penises
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
