My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize