I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
