I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
