The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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