Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize