i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
