he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
