then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We are all done wearing pants today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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