I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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