You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
