carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize