If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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