Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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