I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
