It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
