You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
