I hate your face
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
