So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize