We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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