All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
