I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
