I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
