Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
