so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
