my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
