The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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