dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
