Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
