I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
