if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize