Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
