plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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