Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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