i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
