my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He better not be in your backpack
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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