And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
