Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
