This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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