I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
