Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
