If i come over, it means nothing
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
