Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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