im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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