it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
