You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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