I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm like, not good at living.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
