My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
