I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
