What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
