whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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