i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
