my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
