"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize