before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
