"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
