just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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