Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
