went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
