last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
