I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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