how can u be prego again
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
