Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize