No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I believe in your delicious
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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