why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
