Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize