hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
