quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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