you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
