i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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