So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
