I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
