Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
