so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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