You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
