My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
