I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
