So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
